His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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