Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
