dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
