He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
