Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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