Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
