Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
