just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
