No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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