You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize