i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
