I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
