WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
