why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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