Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
