sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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