so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
