Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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