Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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