Duck Duck Cougar?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You ruined the universe
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