i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
