the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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