I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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