Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
