cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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