she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
