"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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