areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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