Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Even my vagina gasped.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
