Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
