We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize