Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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