My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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