I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
