Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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