Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
