Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
