How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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