I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
