I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
