Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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