i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
