the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
