Got a toothbrush?
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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