Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
