She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
