just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
