YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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