her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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