fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
