Cold hands, warm shart.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
