Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I need help removing her.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
