Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
