considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
