When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
