one might say we're banned from that church
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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