So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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