70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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