There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
