there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
