why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize