Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
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