I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
