Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
