Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
