OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
