Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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